The Illusion of Health: A Psychoanalytic Reading of the Body

If we lose something, it often feels as if the object is deliberately hiding from us, or as if some troll in a chat is personally targeting us. This reflects the way we sometimes relate to ourselves as an object of anger.

The same dynamic can appear in our relationship with the body. In certain moments the body begins to feel like a separate object, carrying out someone’s malicious intentions, introducing something into us that feels uncontrollable. The body—especially when it is in pain—quickly becomes an enemy. Only when it functions “normally” do we treat it as a friend.

In my massage practice, I have observed how these processes begin very subtly. The first signs of fatigue in my own work appeared as inflammation around the nerve endings in the wrists. Earlier, during my first job in cleaning, both of my hands developed symptoms of carpal tunnel syndrome. Many illnesses are connected with professions and have physiological explanations. And yet sometimes something as extraordinary as pregnancy can make these symptoms disappear—as if the “evil intent” of the body suddenly vanishes.

So what is really happening in the body? Are these isolated points of dysfunction? Or is there a personal history that connects our entire life into one continuous material narrative?

The illusion of health, just like the illusion of pain or bodily safety, forms the basis of many of our misconceptions. We tend to believe that we were born to be healthy and happy, while madness or delirium belong only to “other people,” the unhealthy ones.

But what if this delirium is not so different from the human belief in a grey-haired old man sitting on a cloud? Illusions that function with the same psychological necessity as the image of the heavenly father we pray to each morning.

At the moment I am reading Patosophy—a philosophy of pathology—and beginning to understand what “soma” means from a psychoanalytic perspective. It is opening a deeper layer of comprehension and acceptance of the phenomena of the body: a source of continuous balance that accompanies us from birth to death.

In the photo there is a page from the book—one that could easily silence a few fairies.

На фото страница из книги, которая прихлопывает фей :)

How Massage Therapy Helped Me Rebuild My Confidence

This summer my self-esteem grew through my massage practice. I had never received so many compliments in my life.

First, my body weight turned out to be a real advantage in deep tissue massage. Many clients came to me saying immediately: “I like strong pressure.” Not once did anyone ask for a light touch or a standard relaxing massage. People want to feel individual attention, strength, and immediate results.

I often heard things like:
“You have the strongest hands I’ve ever experienced in massage.”
“I think I’m falling in love with your massage.”
One client even joked: “I’m ready to marry you.” 🙂

Tips were generous—often $50, with $20 being the usual tip. Payment for massage is the one type of income where I know with certainty that I have earned every dollar through real work. My clients almost always receive more than they expect, which is why both locals and tourists return. Travelers especially come back after long hikes and accumulated fatigue from their busy lives and countries.

During these six weeks of daily massage work, my understanding of massage therapy changed dramatically.

Working in a massage salon often feels like standing on an assembly line—and that isn’t my path. My work is about helping people feel alive again, the way they feel after a vacation. Sometimes it’s even more direct—for example, helping them stop severe muscle cramps.

One day a young man rushed into my room after running a marathon. His muscle cramps had lasted 45 minutes. After the session he ran out of the room saying:
“I can run again!”

Eventually I left the salon because I wanted to understand how I could help people in a more personal setting. For now, I work at home on the floor, using a mixed massage technique: Thai massage, Lomi-Lomi, classical massage, and deep tissue therapy. It has become something like my own signature method.

When you look at a person not as a technique but as a situation, you either know—or you discover—what approach is needed. The name of the technique becomes less important. The result is what matters.

I always speak with my clients about trust and tolerance levels. We work within their medium level of comfort. Sometimes we use safe words. If a person asks for strong pressure, I can provide it—not simply because they want pain, but because sometimes a muscle is so tense and neglected that even a light touch can feel overwhelming.

This is how I came into massage.

I don’t try to save people from everything that troubles them. I am honest about what I can and cannot do. I work with soft tissues and fascia, focusing on releasing tension and restoring balance. I do not perform medical massage or spinal manipulation.

My work is simply my own kind of massage—you could even call it amateur in the most honest sense of the word, because it comes from love for the craft. I immerse myself deeply in the process, and clients often feel results almost immediately. After about five minutes, nobody talks anymore. They simply drift into a state that feels almost like floating in space.

Very often pain disappears in several areas of the body at once. Why? Because everything in the body is connected. My work is to search for the underlying cause and help you explore it together with me. I am only a guide on your path back to yourself.

These are my first reflections about massage. Until now I hesitated to talk about it publicly. My massage therapist’s journal is already full of lessons and insights.

But now I feel I have reached a new stage:
I no longer serve my practice—my practice serves me.

If I continue to take clients, it will only be those I truly want to work with.

In the photo there is a painting by Hieronymus Bosch, illustrating how hell can sound inside the human body. And it often begins exactly there—in the sacrum.

The Cinderella Effect in Partnerships: Lessons from a Startup Experience

Plato is my friend… but truth is more valuable. Signing a contract — that’s who your true friend and partner is.

Today I had another realization. You can be as kind as you want, try to help others with business, think we are partners… until you actually agree to sign a contract. I said, “Let’s sign a contract between us — just outline what we do, our roles, what happens if someone loses interest.” Two days ago, we were still partners. Today, I was told, “You are too much of a leader.” No, it’s not that I’m too much of a leader — it’s that I want to be equal. A partner.

I promise myself: I will not start anything with anyone until we have a signed agreement.

And yes, I call this the Cinderella Effect. You may work here, but at any moment we can also remove you.

Leadership is about using each other’s strengths effectively. My strength is my boundaries: my skills can only be used for money and under agreed conditions. I give a lot, but clearly, the other party cannot watch me build their business with my own hands and expect nothing in return. And I won’t work for nothing again. Anyone else, same rule: I help only after an NDA and a partnership agreement.

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How to Understand When You’re Not Aligned with Someone

If a person agrees with everyone — with what you say and what others tell them — that’s a first signal of a self-determination problem. Someone else defines them.

Did I make the same mistake? Or did I have no choice at that moment? I did have a choice. I self-determined according to the principle of supporting the campaign, because that was the purpose of the game. I’m talking about my participation in a recent startup event.

Choosing this project cost me:

• Three days of intensive work

• Training someone else

• Another week of reflection and discussion about the vision for our shared business

• …and again, lost trust in people

Why?

Because I needed to understand which mill I was pouring water into. In recent months, in search of “my own,” I had written and discussed projects and ideas worth millions of hryvnias, gave them to others, offered practical advice, and even acted on their behalf.

“Good” people take advantage — but not sustainably.

When I see someone executing what I suggested without even a basic thank-you in monetary terms, I understand: no more free work, no volunteer consulting, no free business advice.

In the end, I didn’t achieve my own goals, regretted the lost time, because this was just an attempt. I helped for free and gained a new business lesson about signing contracts. There was no other goal.

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But here I am again, leaving this practical reminder from a wise strategic marketing friend…

Questions for Partnership Agreement:

1. How will this agreement be formalized?

• Verbally?

• In writing? How many copies? In which language?

• Will it be legally registered? Under the laws of which country?

2. Subject of the business. Describe.

3. Business goals. List them (in S.M.A.R.T. format).

4. Reasons for creating the business. List.

5. Reasons for creating a joint business. List.

6. Participants. List all members.

7. What is the subject of this agreement? List.

8. What is NOT the subject of this agreement? List.

9. Mutual restrictions imposed on partners by this agreement. List.

10. Is this agreement fixed-term or indefinite?
    If fixed-term, for how long?

11. Profit distribution.
    Clearly and in detail define the principles for distributing profits already earned and to be earned in the future between partners. This includes money and non-monetary resources (e.g., informational and other intangible assets).

12. Principles of ownership of shared property.
    Clearly and in detail define how ownership will be distributed.

13. Loss distribution.
    Clearly and in detail define the principles for distributing existing and future losses (obligations) between partners, both financial and non-financial.

14. Who invests what? List contributions.

15. How investments are made, when, and in what form.
    Create a table.

16. Liability of the owners toward each other (if applicable).
    List the types of liability, when it arises, how it is expressed (e.g., financial penalties or other measures), and how and when it is enforced.

17. Principles of joint management and the procedure for decision-making requiring joint participation. Which topics are 100% votes, like investment, funding strategy…

18. What happens if a joint decision cannot be reached?
    What is the next step? Describe.

19. Separation of executive and legislative authority within the partnership:
    Where are the boundaries and how do they interact? Describe.

20. Liquidation of the joint business.
    Describe the procedure.

21. Withdrawal of one of the partners from the business.
    Describe the procedure.

22. Joining the agreement by a new participant.
    Describe the procedure.

23. Incapacity of one of the partners.
    Describe the consequences.

24. Death of one of the partners and inheritance of the partnership share.
    Describe the consequences and procedure.

25. Responsibility of the business management structure (executive authority) before the owners (legislative authority).
    Describe how this responsibility is implemented.

26. Hiring / dismissal of key employees in the business.
    List the key positions (or functions) and describe the procedure.